Sealing the Breach was
surprisingly easy, due to the number of pet mages I own. Haven
partied and everyone toasted my name. It was great. For about six
minutes. And then we were attacked.
A dimwit called Cole
turned up, claiming he was here to warn me. Nice work, numbnuts, but
next time try warning me before I’m being attacked rather than
during.
It was the templars,
all sporting knobbly growths in an unfashionable shade of red (Red
Knob Disease, as one wag called it). The lyrium-lickers soon paid the
price for being dumb enough to attack me. One well-aimed trebuchet,
courtesy of yours truly, flung its boulder high up on the mountain
slopes, causing an avalanche. Enjoy your snow sandwich, halfwits!
It was at this point a
dragon showed up. Bravely, I ran away.
Just before reaching
the chantry I saved Threnn (quartermaster). The ungrateful bitch told
me: “I didn’t expect this from you.” That’ll teach me to help
a shem.
As every human in the
chantry was too busy shivering with fright and wetting themselves, I
went out to launch the last trebuchet boulder and bury Haven. At the
siege engine I encountered Corypheus, aka The Elder One. Even by
human standards he’s ugly. And so’s his dragon.
But it takes more than
a Tevinter and a glorified iguana to get the better of me.
Whilst Corypheus was
wasting time with exposition rather than actually trying to kill me,
I unleashed the trebuchet to bury Haven, heroically escaping into
some underground tunnels.
Eventually, I caught up
with the others. (After a little bickering) they were so relieved to
see me they sang a hymn and knelt before me. Solas added a few
notches to his dodginess by revealing he knew of an abandoned castle
nearby. Handy. And bloody suspicious. Anyway, I hardly had a choice.
Upon arrival, the others formally asked me to be their leader. Cute
that they thought anyone else could do it.
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