Leliana mentioned the Grey Wardens have gone missing. Turns out they’re some anti-darkspawn cultists. Anyway, she’d heard of one in the Hinterlands, called Blackwall. Weirdly, he had no idea his chums have gone missing, and no idea why. Being as much use as pineapple on pizza, I was set to leave but, even more oddly, he offered to join up. I was going to tell him to sod off, but he explained Wardens have treaties compelling others to help them, and that’s too good to miss.
In Orlais, I recruited Sera and Vivienne, although I suspect that might’ve been a mistake. Sera’s a low level criminal, a tame elf used to human ways, such as atrocious hair. Vivles is a pro-chantry, pro-circle orthodox creature, so brainwashed she actually loves the chains the shem put on mages. But she does have connections with Orlesian nobility. I let let her join, but I’m going to have to keep an eye on her.
On the Storm Coast, I hired the Bull’s Chargers. They’re a mercenary group led by a one-eyed Qunari with the neck of a bull and a pebble for a brain. The fool goes into battle topless, wearing ridiculous baggy trousers. And I thought Orlesians had daft ideas about fashion. With an attitude like that to armour, no wonder he lost an eye. Could be a useful meatshield, though.
The Inquisition is pretty strong now. I have spies and connections from the Qunari to the Orlesian court. Decision time has arrived. Do I approach the rebel mages or the templars for help destroying the Breach (as the hole in the sky has become known)?
Lord Seeker Lucius seemed about as friendly as a scorpion’s handshake, so I decided to visit Redcliffe village to hear out Grand Enchanter Fiona. Bizarrely, the bridge between the village and castle has broken and nobody mended it. I didn’t see a pulley system or suchlike set up to get food to the castle either. Bloody weird. I knew humans were stupid, but that’s some elite level idiocy.
I was getting myself some booze in the pub when I bumped into Fiona. She claimed to have no knowledge of inviting me. Either she’s a liar or someone else tricked me. Even worse, the damned fool mages have signed themselves into indentured servitude to Alexius, a Tevinter magister. And the local lord has run off. The whole thing stinks.
Halfway through negotiating with Alexius (who has the wardrobe of a drunken jester), we were interrupted by his son Felix feigning illness to give me a note. It asked me to visit the chantry, claiming I was in danger. Naturally, I went along. After a little light demon-slaying, ’twas time for a chat with Felix and Dorian, Alexius’ former protégé. Turns out the jester is in a cult called the Venatori, and they’re obsessed with me. So obsessed, in fact, they used wildly unstable time magic to get here and secure the mages’ allegiance ahead of me.
I already have a hole in the sky to fix. I could do without the unravelling of time as well.
Attack is the best form of defence, and confronting Alexius went very well, up until the point he hurled me and Dorian through time. We learnt from Fiona, who was busy turning into a lump of red lyrium, that two years had passed and ‘the Elder One’ (Alexius’ master) had conquered the world. Dorian responded by saying he could send us back if we find the amulet of Alexius. We shall see if he lives up to his moustache.
Leliana was still alive, although looking pretty rough. Humans age even worse than I thought. In the end, it was a simple matter of killing Alexius and using the amulet to return to the present, where he surrendered pretty tamely.
Chose to make the mages my allies. It’ll guarantee their loyalty and stop them returning to the chantry. Anyway, all that’s left is to close the Breach and I can relax for a moment.