The hole in the sky is
still there, but it’s not getting any bigger, and everyone knows
I’m the one who stopped it. This is perfect. Not only do I have all
the credit for saving the world, but everybody’s still terrified
and wants the damned thing closed entirely. And who’s the only
person who can do that?
That’s right. Me. The
world’s most indispensable elf. Or ‘Herald of Andraste’ as my
new fan club like to call me.
Angry Cassandra and
Leliana (spymaster... spymistress?) introduced me to Ambassador
Josephine. Charming lady, but her sleeves are ridiculous. I think our
military leader, Commander Cullen, was giving me the eye.
Understandable. Everyone knows humans only hate elves so much because
they’re externalising the self-hatred they feel for finding us so
much more attractive than round-ears. *sighs* We’ve been doomed by
our own hotness.
Speaking of which, I
went to the Hinterlands (shemspeak for ‘Land of Booty’) and
encountered Scout Harding. Never had a dwarf before, but that might
change… anyway, the templars and mages were at war. I killed both,
and got thanked for it! Yes, puny humans, show gratitude to the
Shem-Slayer!
That said, humans are
still idiots. In the entire world, I’m the only one who can close
Fade rifts, but instead they ask me to fetch goats and retrieve
druffalo. Beginning to wonder if they’re worth saving. Dopey
peasants.
Dennet, the local
horse-master, called me a halla-rider. Racist scum. I called him out
and he tried to wriggle out of it, claiming halla are majestic. Yeah.
Majestic, and too smart to let a round-ear like you ride them. That
said, he did give me a nice horse. Nothing quite like a stallion
between your legs to put a smile on a girl’s face.
The whole reason for
going to the Hinterlands wasn’t acquiring myself a horse or killing
humans, fun as those diversions were. I went there to see Mother
Giselle, a priestess who might be on our side. We had a nice little
chat, and she suggested I go to Val Royeaux (the ponciest city in the
world). I’m a bit sceptical. The Orlesians hate elves, and the
chantry there hate the Inquisition, and I’m both. They even think
my nickname, Herald of Andraste, is heretical.
That said, the quest
for power would make having the chantry onside really useful.
Destroying it is almost as good. Either way, I went to Val Royeaux.
But before that, spoke with Leliana. We agreed killing our enemies is
the way to go. I like her. When the Elven Empire arises, I’ll kill
her last. Or perhaps keep her as a pet.
In the end, I was glad
I went to Val Royeaux. A black-hatted priestess spouted a load of
anti-elven bigotry, and then Lord Seeker Lucius arrived and punched
her to the ground. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t laugh my head
off. It was fantastic, until he started ranting about righteous
swords and how Cassandra should be ashamed (of her haircut, perhaps,
but otherwise she’s ok).Then he walked off, taking all the templars
with him. I took the opportunity to taunt my wounded foe, then
wandered. On my way out, I encountered Grand Enchanter Fiona, who
invited me to Redcliffe to discuss an alliance. Told her I’d think
about it [need to decide whether trying to side with the mages or
templars would harm the humans more], then went home. Odd to think of
frozen, human-infested Haven as home.
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